Some people say you can’t chose your family, which might be right but you can chose people who you value as close as family or closer
Yesterday I returned to Manchester after a few days back on my home stomping round of the Wirral while my better half was in Edinburgh on a stag do. Instead of staying with my parents while in still struggling to spend too much time on my own, I stayed with his parents and I’ll tell you a secret……I’ve never felt so part of a family.
It’s been a bit of a wake up call that unfortunately as much as I love my family to pieces they aren’t the best for support and talking to each other. But it’s so empowering knowing that this doesn’t leave me alone, I have another fabulous family to be a part of! Even just to be able to get a big motherly hug or a fatherly bit of guidance over the past few days has been so reassuring and above anything my parents have offered me
I have had the best weekend I’ve had in a long time and it’s completely changed my perspective on my current situation. I feel motivated, focused, clear headed and most of all happy. It’s been ultimately refreshing to have spent a full weekend with people I love and to have not spoken about my feelings and what’s going on in my head. I’ve started to really see light at the end of this horrid dark tunnel that’s consumed me the past few months
For anyone who is having a bit of tough time and struggling at the moment, here are some little tips and bits of advice I’ve adopted over the past week that have really helped:
– get out of bed. While this seems so basic it really works. I love sleep, who doesn’t!? But sleeping in til 4 or dozing all day doesn’t help anything. If you get up at a reasonable time that’s the biggest battle won already. Nothing is more debilitating and de-motivating than the guilt you get for sleeping in and feeling like you’ve wasted the day
– set yourself goals. It doesn’t matter how big or small they are but start with setting yourself 1 goal when you go to bed for something to achieve the next day and then build from there in baby steps. Last week my goals were just to get dressed and actually leave the house. Now they’re applying for jobs and investigating holidays. It gives your day a sense of purpose, makes you feel like you’re achieving things which will boost your confidence and it’ll reflect my previous point of not feeling guilty about wasting a day. And if you really want, when you’ve finished your goals you have earned to go back to bed if that’s what you want…..chances are though you’ll like the buzz of achieving so you’ll carry on
– see people. Have someone round for dinner, go for a dog walk with an old friend, go the cinema. Surround yourself with people you love. They’re the ones who don’t mind if you’re having a down day or all you’ve done is moan about your head. They’re the ones who’ll pick you up when you need it and be there to give you a hug. Sitting inside on your own doesn’t do anyone any good and chances are when you speak to someone they will have their own problems to open up about and you’ll be reassured that you’re not alone
– fresh air. I’ve made it a goal each day to go for a walk. Even to the corner shop. Fresh air, being out of the house and the endorphins from a little wander all help boost your mood and make you feel good
– keep yourself busy. Fill your time with happy things you enjoy doing. The past week for me has been filled with baking, having people round for dinner, driving, shopping, reading, going to the museum….anything that fills your head with happy thoughts and doesn’t allow time for any bad clouds to develop over head
– don’t beat yourself up. This is a big one and something I need to remember on a daily basis. If you feel down or you do want to sit in bed all day watching come dine with me eating ham out of the packet or all you want to do is cry…..don’t feel guilty. Youre human. You’re allowed to have down days and you’re allowed to cry and eat ham out of the packet. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just write the day off, enjoy it and look to bettering it tomorrow. Feeling guilty about it only makes it worse. At the moment I’m trying not beat myself up about my finances and that my boyfriend is currently paying for everything. I don’t have a Job so there’s not a lot I can do about it. I just have to acknowledge how amazing he is, do what I can to support him and to try and get myself back on my feet. If I let the guilt monster take over and start beating myself up about it nothing will change.
While I love how positive I’m feeling at the moment I know a bad day will follow. But it’s how I approach and deal with it that will get me through it. It will happen but if I try and keep an open mind and follow at least a few of points above it won’t be nearly as bad as the last one
Keep smiling and stay safe