Today was a good day!
but it almost got off on the wrong foot and merrily down hill from there
Today I had an interview & training session for some temporary admin work. Its not as daunting as starting a new full time role and Its not particularly taxing work for the money so ticking all the boxes at the moment. It’s also not far from my parents house which means less expenditure on fuel and will allow me to get on top of my finances a lot quicker and work out which way I want my long term career to go (fingers crossed!)
The day didn’t start on the best of foots. I didn’t sleep well the night before. I slept in. My hair was uncooperative. I was stressing I don’t really own any smart work wear suitable for an interview any more. My go to black blazer (the smartest thing I have) had a very obvious tear in it. I don’t own smart shoes. The heels I wanted to wear made my look like a tart with the dress I’d chosen. Even just a few weeks ago, this combination of unnecessary stresses along with the normal interview/new job anxiety would have sent my head into a spin and I barely would have made it out of the front door without being engulfed by a panic attack.
I could feel my nerves bubbling and I took this as an opportunity to test myself in how much I’ve progressed. And I did it! A few deep breaths and a camomile tea to calm me. I forced some breakfast down despite my lack of appetite to stop my “hunger hulk” making an unwanted appearance. I practised a little meditation from my mindfulness program and a gave myself a bit of a talking to in the mirror.
“What you think is what you feel” I kept repeating to myself the whole drive there. So I told myself to feel calm, refreshed, focused and confident. Do you know what? It worked!
When I got there, nerves and anxiety had completely disappeared. I was warm, friendly, bubbly and vibrant, much like my lucky red office dress I was wearing. I engaged in starting off conversations, asking questions about my new colleagues without it sounding forced like it was an awkward silence filler.
Normally when learning something new, I like to take in all the new information first and leave my question asking til the end. This means my good sensible questions are snapped up by others and they get the pat on the back for my timid curiosity leaving me kicking myself. Especially in front of people I don’t know, I’ll be too scared to ask questions in case it’s thought of as stupid and I get laughed at. Today during the training part of the day, I was asking lots of good sensible questions, suggesting more efficient methods of working, correcting my colleagues without sounding like hermione granger and significantly impressing my managers. I hope it’s not just a fluke.
Its been a rocky road to recovery over the past year but I finally feel like things are slowly starting to fall into place.
I don’t quite know where this vast improvement has come from, but I like it. Starting to feel like the old jen I remember!