Slutty brownies

When I’m having a bad head day, need a big sulk and something really gluttonous to make me feel a little better this is ALWAYS my go to recipe.  They’re the ultimate naughty treat; they’re gooey, oozy, chocolaty, rich and comforting.  Something so good you’ll want to tell everyone about it but not share a bit.  Like a big bear hug from someone forbidden.

In the brownie mix I tend to swap the caster sugar for a muscavado for a chewier richer brownie.

ENJOY!

For the cookie base:

  • 110g butter
  • 110g caster sugar
  • 65g light brown sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
  • 275g flour
  • 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • 100g milk chocolate chips
  • 2 packs oreos
For the brownie:
  • 115g Dark chocolate
  • 225g butter
  • 350g caster sugar
  • 4 eggs
  • 50g plain flour
  • 50g cocoa powder
  • A few drops of vanilla extract
  1. First make the cookie base by creaming together the butter and sugars until soft, then add the egg and mix well.
  2. Add the flour, baking powder and chocolate chips and fold in well.Om nom nom nom
  3. Spread the cookie dough along the bottom of a grease proof paper covered brownie tin and top with oreos.
  4. Then to make the brownie mixture, melt the chocolate and butter in a bain marie.
  5. Whisk the sugar and eggs together in a large bowl until they have trebled in volume.
  6. Sieve the flour and cocoa powder in to the mixture, then pour in the melted chocolate and butter mixture and mix together.
  7. Pour the brownie mixture over the cookies, pop in the oven for 40 minutes at 180 degrees.
  8. Enjoy!

http://www.peachtreesandbumblebees.com/2011/08/24/the-slutty-brownie/

“the wall”

“The wall” is a term commonly used by marathon runners relating to a seemingly impossible point in their race which they have to mentally break through in order to finish without giving in. While I’m certainly not planning on doing any marathons any time soon (just a jog around the block has me on all fours gasping for breath -no joke) I am experiencing a similar mental struggle

Since my last post full of positivity after returning from a lovely change of scenery in my hometown, I was having a really good up-beat week. I’d not cried. I’d not had any bad or dark thoughts. I was coping a lot better on my own. I was giving myself little tasks and goals each day and succeeding which have a massive boost to my motivation and self esteem. I even had a trial shift lined up for a fantastic and diverse hospitality company in Cheshire. Things really seemed like they were on the up and taking a positive turn.

Then on Thursday night, the night before my trial, I had the worst nights sleep in a long time. I say sleep, but I think I actually managed about 20 minutes. I went to bed early, took a couple of herbal sleeping tablets, a nice hot shower, a herbal tea, read my book and tried to doze off to a happy film. It didn’t matter how tired I felt or how many little tricks I tried I couldn’t doze off and my anxiety was getting worse with every minute I was thinking about not being asleep and the hours counting down before my alarm was due to go off. Anxiety and nerves before starting a new job are normal especially as I’ve been out of work for so long now. I kept telling myself this but then I started to get anxiety about anxiety. Panicking that sleep deprivation would instigate a panic attack at the new job and id let myself down. I was convinced if I didn’t fall asleep soon there would be no point going because I wouldn’t be giving myself the best opportunity and I wouldn’t be showing myself off in the best light – giving up before it’s even begun

In the morning I wasn’t feeling great but I knew if I didn’t go id feel even worse. Guilty and like I’d let myself down.

When I woke, I had the worse bellyache so made an emergency doctors appointment and was seen straight away. They told me id had a miscarriage. Well that was a surprise – I didn’t even know I was pregnant! Given everything else that’s happened recently, my sex drive has been rock bottom so there weren’t many occasions to date it back to

Inevitably I had to cancel the trial after all and some other festival work i had lined up over the weekend. Instead of all of the exciting progress I had planned out in my head I’ve been back on the sofa in solitude, hugging a hot water bottle

I’m finding after a little flutter of hope and glimmer of progression and light at the end of the depression tunnel, that any set backs or low points now are even harder to stomach than ever before

“My wall” feels 100000000 foot tall and like im constantly banging my head against it. I know my big final hurdle on the road to recovery is being employed again. Being back with people, getting out of the house, not talking to my cats(as much), becoming social again, taking away the stress of money and giving me something to aim for and get up for. Yet whenever I have a chance of making this progress it’s whipped out from beneath me last minute. I feel trapped in my own demons

Today was the first day since coming off my medication a month ago that I’ve had suicidal thoughts. Taking the cowards way out and giving up. I’ve been feeling like I’ve been dealt enough bad luck the past few months and I’m not sure if I can handle any more

After a lot of tears shed on my poor boyfriend, I’m trying to remain positive. The trial I should have had have been great and are willing to have me back when I’m ready. And me and Tom are looking at moving out to the suburbs for a change of scenery, a breath of fresh air and for something to look forwards to. I’m trying to make baby steps and little plans of other things I can focus on but building my confidence up AGAIN is even harder than the first time

Right now I’m baking a giant Jaffa cake flavoured cake to cheer me up and I’m going to make a plan and a thought cloud (can’t say brain storm anymore) about how I can move on from here-how I can break down “the wall”. Fingers crossed I won’t come out with too many cuts and bruises

Keep smiling and stay safe
J

VICTORIA SPONGE CAKE

One of my favourite easy quick cakes and tastes amazing. Perfect little (or big) pick me up for a bad day

INGREDIENTS
Cake:
6oz unsalted room temp butter
6oz caster sugar
6oz self raising flour
3 eggs
50ml milk
3 drops of vanilla extract

Filling:
2oz room temp butter
4oz icing sugar
Lots of your favourite jam

1. Pre heat oven to 170 and grease a cake tin ( I used a 20cm)
2. In a large bowl cream together the sugar and butter until pale, light and fluffy
3. Add in the milk and keep mixing until fully combined
4. Alternate between sifting in flour and adding an egg on at a time until all have been added. Try not to beat the mixture too much at this stage or the cake will become dense from working the gluten too much
5. Mix in the drops of vanilla extract
6. Spoon mixture into cake tin and put in oven for 20-30 mins. It will be ready when golden brown on top and if a knife comes out clean if it’s been put into the middle of the cake
7. While in the oven cream together the icing sugar and butter to make the butter cream for the filling
8. Leave to cool on a wire rack
9. Once cool enough slice the cake in half horizontally
10. On one of the middle sides evenly spread on the butter cream to edge and on the other spread your jam. I used a strawberry and champagne one – incredible!
11. Put the two halves of cake back together with the fillings in the middle on top of each other
12. Dust with icing sugar and enjoy!

Unfortunately before I had chance to grab a picture, I dropped something on the cake so wasn’t the prettiest. Still tasted amazing!

Happy baking! Keep smiling and stay safe
J

MANGO & BLUEBERRY MUFFINS

butter crumble:

4 tablespoons plain flour

1 tablespoon caster sugar

1 pinch salt

30g unsalted butter

muffin batter

115g unsalted butter

250g caster sugar

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 eggs

225g plain flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

110g semi skimmed milk

150g blueberries (lightly dusted in plain flour)

165g mango (peeled, seeded and diced)

method:

  1. preheat oven to 190*c, prepare cake tins with 14 muffin cases
  2. combine the flour, sugar, salt and butter together for the butter crumble and set aside
  3. in a large mixing bowl: beat unsalted butter sugar and salt for batter mix
  4. once light and fluffy beat in the eggs – one at a time making sure the first one is completely mixed in before adding the second
  5. once combined and fluffy fold in the sifted flour and baking powder
  6. after this is bound together alternate adding the milk and the butter crumble until both have been completely added to the muffin batter – this shouldnt be completely smooth as the butter crumble will melt into the batter in the oven
  7. add in the blueberries (coated in flour so they dont sink) and the mango
  8. carefully spoon mixture into muffin cases
  9. bake for 25-35 mins – they should be golden and the tops should be springy when lightly pressed
  10. leave to cool and enjoy!

other fruit can be used – i find theyre a fun and healthy way to use up any fruit that might be old in the fridge

keep smiling & stay safe

j